Four Years, Same Score.

This was pulled from a blog I completely forgot existed, there were only 3 posts, one of them was from four years ago today.

I’ve always seen smoking cigarettes as an incredible practice in nihilism. In my life so far I believe I’ve started and quit smoking 9 times. I’ve pretty much always travelled the same path, and whether I’m a staunch non-smoker or pack a day addict, I feel I am in a heightened state of conciousness.

Strange, yes. I’m realizing that now. When I am a non smoker, I look at those addicted as small minded, ignorant, miserable, and weak willed. When I am a smoker (or at least when I start), I am feel I am tapping into something, feel my brain working faster, taking time for ritual introspection, and acutally more alive. The idea that “there is no dignity in denying yourself something you want” becomes quite the mantra.

In reality, smoking can be a few things, for me at least. It is first and foremost an escape, a beautiful way of wasting time. Procrastination, and the wonderful game of giving yourself something you need. Pretty incredible, pay to give yourself something to want, something to need. The best part, you can always find company to do it with, and in most cases talk about nothing, or well, everything.

But wait, maybe it’s a way to take a moment.

So

I quit again today.

Let’s see what happens.