Still life, with living.

While on the road, especially outside of the US, many people ask what it’s like to live in New York. I will give a wholehearted “great”, though for me it’s like asking a twin what it’s like to be a twin…. They have no other basis for comparison really.  I grew up here, a bit outside of the city but always had access. Later moved into Brooklyn proper after some school on the west coast. Thing is, up until recently I cannot honestly say I’ve been living in New York.

I’ve been surviving.

Now that I have no permanent residence I find that I’m finally living again.  I’m reminded of a moment a few years back when I was walking through midtown. I’m not sure if it was my day off, but I remember walking by the Grace building.  I realized that I needed to kill some time, for what I can’t recall.  Within that moment, I began to slow my pace, my gait; even my breathing came to a much more balanced and relaxed rhythm.

All of a sudden the act of “killing time” birthed consciousness. How did I go from attempting to extinguish time to taking my time?  This led me to question if in fact I was actually taking anything at all. It became clear to me that act of savoring a moment is in most cases categorized by the persona as languishing.  Only when the act is deemed active and with purpose does it lose its stigma and become acceptable behavior without judgment or remorse.

I began to explore the feeling further, conducting an exponential ritard upon myself. What I came to was stillness.

On tour, days off are coveted. Many times we just end up walking around an alien city.  I find it quite interesting though that even without an agenda we always wind up in one of two places.

Castles or Museums.

We were at the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam; I was slowly gliding along with no real plan.  I try not to think too much anymore when it comes to art, or rather what the culture of humanity designates as art.  Some periods resonated with me immediately, firing my senses.  Then I got to Still Life, and found myself bored and restless.  As I took a final step out of the apportioned area it hit me again.

Stillness

My inability to appreciate life in a singular moment stopped me abruptly.  There was such a clear metaphor presented through the irony of the whole experience, I smiled and laughed out loud.

Touring incessantly has forced me to stay in a moment, quite the paradox as we’re constantly moving.  The fact is though, that without the ability (or perhaps luxury) of looking back or planning ahead, I am very much here now.  I rarely know what day it is on the road, whether it be the name or the number.  Every day (or sometimes in less than a day) we are hearing a new language, in a new time zone, and exchanging currency. Gigs, cities, venues all start to amalgamate into one experience.  People always ask why I don’t blog daily, for me it’s never been about that.  I feel that currently on this Earth many of us employ a reductionist theory to life.  Pull out all of the nutrients that compose an experience in order to derive what the status quo considers to be beneficial.

Contentment Concentrate.

What I’ve come to understand is that when such a method is utilized all that we are left with are the symptoms of happiness.

I no longer ask the Universe for specific things. The intention I set now is simple, Happiness.  With this method I allow the Universe to fill in the blanks as to how that joy will manifest.  It’s great; I can only compare it to a surprise party or Christmas morning every day.  Though without the ability to be here now, we’re not capable of even seeing the gifts under the tree.

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